Milestones

A baby’s guide to Christmas

Hello there. It’s Baby B here. This world is a strange and confusing place. I’ve certainly had to get used to a lot of new things during my time outside that nice floaty universe I came from.

Recently there have been some really odd things going on. I’m told they happen every year around this time. So I expect I’ll get used to it.

But if you’re new like me, here’s twelve signs it’s beginning to look a bit like this thing the big people call Christmas.

1. People send you cards to chew read. Whatever ‘reading’ is…

Baby B's first Christmas card

2. Someone’s put a tree in your house. In. Your. House. This makes no sense.

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(However it does come with some tempting dangly things…to…reach…foooooooor!)

3. You may be dressed in a ridiculous outfit by your staff…

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4. And you may sprout antlers. Much to your surprise…

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(Yeah, yeah, OK i do look a bit cool. Bit stupid. But mainly cool.)

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(Enough with the antlers already. Obviously don’t put these photos online.)

5. People may keep kissing you near this scary plant…

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6. You could be taken to meet a penguin…

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Then your staff will eat a likeness of him. Bit weird.

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7. The Elf Wrestling season begins…

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(I am great at this ancient English national sport. Who knew!?)

8. Your staff will get very, very excited about a special book arriving…

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9. MASSIVE ROBINS!!! EVERYWHERE!!! WAAAAAARGGGHHH!!!

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10. People will ask you write to this beardy man to ask him for treats.

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(The staff know I can’t write. Right? I dictated this blog post.)

11. You may be given a massive sock to wear. Absurd. Borderline cruel.

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(It really didn’t fit. This was worse than the antlers.)

12. Then they’ll tell you it’s for hanging up over the fireplace! Like that makes more sense…

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And it’s hanging up because the man my staff wrote to earlier is coming down the chimney tonight?! I’m waiting up for this. I’ve seen Home Alone. Got some ideas.

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So there you have it. That’s how to spot it’s Christmas. Completely bonkers. But do you know what? I think I’m going to like it after all!

Lots of love and a Merry Christmas to you all.

Baby B

XXX

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