Hello there. It’s Baby B here. This world is a strange and confusing place. I’ve certainly had to get used to a lot of new things during my time outside that nice floaty universe I came from.
Recently there have been some really odd things going on. I’m told they happen every year around this time. So I expect I’ll get used to it.
But if you’re new like me, here’s twelve signs it’s beginning to look a bit like this thing the big people call Christmas.
1. People send you cards to
chew read. Whatever ‘reading’ is…
2. Someone’s put a tree in your house. In. Your. House. This makes no sense.
(However it does come with some tempting dangly things…to…reach…foooooooor!)
3. You may be dressed in a ridiculous outfit by your staff…
4. And you may sprout antlers. Much to your surprise…
(Yeah, yeah, OK i do look a bit cool. Bit stupid. But mainly cool.)
(Enough with the antlers already. Obviously don’t put these photos online.)
5. People may keep kissing you near this scary plant…
6. You could be taken to meet a penguin…
Then your staff will eat a likeness of him. Bit weird.
7. The Elf Wrestling season begins…
(I am great at this ancient English national sport. Who knew!?)
8. Your staff will get very, very excited about a special book arriving…
9. MASSIVE ROBINS!!! EVERYWHERE!!! WAAAAAARGGGHHH!!!
10. People will ask you write to this beardy man to ask him for treats.
(The staff know I can’t write. Right? I dictated this blog post.)
11. You may be given a massive sock to wear. Absurd. Borderline cruel.
(It really didn’t fit. This was worse than the antlers.)
12. Then they’ll tell you it’s for hanging up over the fireplace! Like that makes more sense…
And it’s hanging up because the man my staff wrote to earlier is coming down the chimney tonight?! I’m waiting up for this. I’ve seen Home Alone. Got some ideas.
So there you have it. That’s how to spot it’s Christmas. Completely bonkers. But do you know what? I think I’m going to like it after all!
Lots of love and a Merry Christmas to you all.