Baby On The Loose!

Once upon a time there was a baby who stayed in one place. If you put him down he’d be there the next time you looked. A reliable baby. He learned to kick his little legs and wave his little arms in the air and it was cute and people went ahhh.

But the baby was always in one place…

Sometimes he was in bed asleep.


Sometimes he was in bed awake.


Sometimes he was on his playmat.


And sometimes he was in his bouncy chair.


But you always knew where he was.

One day he rolled over. But he always rolled back and he always stayed in the same place.

In fact, he started rolling over onto his front whenever he could and he seemed to like it A LOT! We should have realised something was up back in September when we were on holiday and came into the room to find this.


We still have no idea how he did this. And for ages after he didn’t do anything like it again. He went back to being a stationary baby but he did spend a lot of time rocking on his hands and knees.

Any chance he could get he’d get a bit of rocking in. We thought it was hilarious. “Ready..steady…go!” we’d say and laugh at him like fools. Naive fools.

But Baby B was being very serious. This was training. Like Steve McQueen in the cooler he was biding his time, planning his escape, waiting for the right moment.

The websites and books said that crawling happened sometime from six months but usually by about eight or nine months. And standing up holding on to furniture wouldn’t happen until maybe ten but probably eleven months. So we thought about ‘baby-proofing’ the house but only in the way we might have once talked vaguely when Mrs B was pregnant about what it would be like actually having a baby. Like it was ages away.

Well, time has a funny way of playing tricks on you.

One day last week when he was having bit of naked time before his bath he got his eye on a pink make up bag. And like a miniature, over-excited Gok Wan in a department store one hand went out, then another in front of that, and he was off, skidding across the floor to get the bag. He sat holding it in one hand like he was off to the shops. Then he got bored and did a wee. I’d love to show you this but he was in his birthday suit so that’s just for us and to show on his wedding day.

Anyway, after that there’s been no stopping him. So we’ve had to spend a lot more time being helicopter parents, constantly moving things, tidying up, talking about decluttering the house, and wondering why we’ve just decided to get some building work done. Actually, that will be a good thing as we’re knocking the two tiny rooms of our Victorian cottage together, as you do, Sarah Beeny-style. This means when we are in the kitchen we’ll be able to see what Baby B is up to right through to the front of the house. As long as he doesn’t go upstairs.

Talking of which, this just happened.


This really shouldn’t be going on. I mean, we are very proud of him, as he’s only seven months old. But this is getting a bit much. Looks like he will be needing these soon!